Friday, April 18, 2014

Ode to the atheist

Oh mighty Atheist,
Thank you for coming to this comment section and blessing us with your cosmically unplanned presence.
Please, oh please, great "High Priest of Random Chance", give us your wisdom. Oh, coincidental paragon of know-it-all-ism, please help us poor, befuddled Christians think as smart-a-logical-like as you.
Please make more comments. Please, let us bask in your accidental wise-assery. After all, we only came here in hopes of having the privilege of reading your ramblings from on haphazard high.
Don't leave, please. We couldn't have arbitrary light and warmth without you. Oh whatever would we do without your stupid comments, re-written histories, unsolicited insults, and your soulful song of "Science proves you're wrong because I say so without presenting any actual facts - how sweet the sound".
Praise you, oh wise Atheist. If only we could have such incidental insight as yours.
Tell us tales of heroic mass-murders committed by Atheist High Priests in the last century. 100 million murdered. Ahhh yes. Only you could love us so much, oh kind and gentle Atheist.
Tell us of the "Great Logic" of believing in statistical impossibilities occurring a trillion times over while blowing off all other possibilities and ignoring all evidence to the contrary. Oh, if only our faith was as virtuous and strong as yours.


Stolen from a comment, I do not remember from where...